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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27631799">Hollow and Burning (Or: Use Your Words, Boys.)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComicBooksBro/pseuds/ComicBooksBro'>ComicBooksBro</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(kinda at the end), Angst, Cas has a low alcohol tolerance, Cuddling Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Tries To Use His Words, Drunk Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Love Confessions, M/M, OMG that's a tag!, Post-Season/Series 15, Sharing a Bed, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Castiel (Supernatural), i love it, no beta we die like cas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:48:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,896</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27631799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComicBooksBro/pseuds/ComicBooksBro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been three months, and they haven't talked about it.</p><p>Then Cas gets hurt.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>242</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hollow and Burning (Or: Use Your Words, Boys.)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>KJHDSFJHKFDHFS<br/>It's kinda hard to believe that Supernatural is gonna be over TONIGHT. One way or another, we'll know how it ends. Wow. I just wanna say thanks to everyone in the fandom, y'all are awesome, and while this is nowhere near my last Supernatural fic, it is kind of a milestone. </p><p>&lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It hadn’t taken long for Dean to figure out Cas almost always flinched away from his touch.</p><p>It had been three months since Cas had come back from the empty. Three months since Dean had pulled him out, gasping and <em>human</em> and barely alive, and a little over three months since Cas had told Dean he loved him, and promptly been thrown out of existence.</p><p>They hadn’t talked about it. Dean had been too giddy over the fact that Cas was back—and actually <em>alive</em> to say what he wanted to, and Cas had been too out of it for the first week or so to even think about saying something or processing anything Dean could have said. Dying confessions of love aside, it was more than enough for Dean to just have Cas with him again.</p><p>Cas had been quiet and withdrawn after he had come back, though. At first Dean just chalked it up to the exhaustion of being human, but the longer it went on, the more worried he got.</p><p>They still talked—obviously, it would be hard for them not to—but Cas wouldn’t meet his eyes most of the time, and when he did, Dean thought he could see a hint of guilt in them. But what Cas had to feel guilty over, Dean had no idea.</p><p>They still hunted, too, but not as much as before. Without god on their tail, it turned out they had a lot more free time. So much so that Dean was starting to think about getting a part-time job as a mechanic. Everything was about as close to perfect as it could get—except for Cas’ sudden quietness.</p><p>Dean had considered asking Cas about it before, but whenever the subject of the empty or what he had said to Dean had even the smallest chance of being mentioned,Cas seemed to clam up, and Dean didn’t want him to get any more distant than he already was.</p><p>So, Cas didn’t like being touched, and honestly, Dean didn’t blame him—how could he, really? Dean could deal with that, too, just so long as Cas stayed around. And so Dean stopped touching Cas. He thought that might help, but if anything Cas just seemed more dragged down than before. Unfortunately, due to Cas being a Winchester, the only way to get him to talk about his feelings was under pain of death, and if Dean had any say in anything, Cas was never dying again.</p><p>So nothing got said, and Dean tried to stop Cas from slipping away. He had briefly considered bringing up what Cas had said before he died, but then realized that could be the reason Cas was trying a avoid him in the first place. He had probably come to his senses in the empty and now understood that Dean didn’t deserve his love.</p><p>Then Cas almost died, again.</p><p>Or, well, he got hurt for the first time since becoming human, and Dean freaked out. A wraith cut him pretty badly across the chest, slicing through his shirt and skin like they were butter. It hadn’t been a particularly life-threatening, but Cas had gone down, and Dean had seen red. The wraith hadn’t lasted much longer, and Cas had been able to get to the Impala, but he was still bleeding sluggishly by the time they returned to the motel.</p><p>He seemed slightly dizzy and off-center as he entered the motel room. Dean ran to get the first-aid kit from the trunk of the Impala and returned to their room. Cas was leaned against the wall of the cramped bathroom, holding his arms tightly against the ragged slash on his chest. His face was pinched up in pain and he winced when Dean entered the bathroom.</p><p>Dean pulled out a bottle of whiskey and passed it to Cas, who pulled the top off and took a large sip. It burned a bit as it went down, but dulled the pain slightly. Dean grabbed a clean washcloth and splashed some cold water onto it.</p><p>“Can you take off your shirt?” He asked. Cas begrudgingly set down the bottle of whiskey and started to pull off his shirt.</p><p><em>“Ah!”</em> He hissed as the skin pulled and immediately stopped all attempts to remove his shirt.</p><p>“Okay, then.” Dean sighed and set down the washcloth. “Hold on a second.” He pulled a knife from his pocket and carefully cut Cas’ shirt off of him. Cas shivered as the cold air hit him. “The good news is I don’t think you’re gonna need stitches,” Dean said after a moment. “The bad news,” he continued, picking up the washcloth again. “Is this is gonna hurt like hell.”</p><p>Cas winced again as Dean dabbed at the cut, cleaning away anything that could have gotten into it with remarkable gentleness, especially considering he had literally cut off a wraith’s head less than a hour ago.</p><p>Before too long, Dean had cleaned the wound completely and was bandaging it. Cas had to repress a sigh every time Dean’s fingers brushed his skin. He wanted more: more contact—more of <em>Dean.</em> He wanted Dean to pull him into a hug and just be able hold on to him without feeling guilty.</p><p>Unfortunately, Cas doubted that he could do so much as pat Dean on the shoulder without guilt creeping up on him in some way or another. He counted himself lucky that Dean would look at him at all, given what he had said to the hunter before the empty had taken him. He counted himself more than lucky that Dean still considered him a friend.</p><p><em>Why don’t you hate me?</em> Cas thought, watching as Dean secured the tape around his cuts. The alcohol had really started to kick in now, and Cas regretted drinking so much of it. He felt woozy and off-kilter in a way that wasn’t from blood loss. It wasn’t unpleasant, but he assumed drinking as much as he did on an empty stomach wasn’t favorable.</p><p>“I could never hate you, Cas,” Dean said, looking at him worriedly. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Cas blinked at him.<em> Had he said that out loud?</em> He squinted at Dean, still thinking. <em>Had he said</em> that <em>out loud?</em></p><p>Dean was close—closer than Cas could remember him being in months, and he automatically went to step back, not wanting to make Dean uncomfortable, but just ended up pressing himself further into the wall. Dean took a small step back, trying to give Cas more room. “Cas, buddy?”</p><p>“Hmm?” Cas forced his eyes to stay open. He really needed to build up his alcohol tolerance.</p><p>“You asked why I don’t hate you.” Dean looked like he wanted to step closer, but stopped himself. “Why would I hate you?”</p><p>“Because—because I told you I...” Cas closed his eyes and sniffled. <em>Why am I crying?</em> He was so tired. “Loved you,” he finished.</p><p>“Cas, I—“ Dean stopped, desperately wanting to reach out and comfort Cas. “You did that to <em>save</em> me, Cas. How could I hate you for that?”</p><p>Cas stepped away from the wall and pushed past Dean, into the bedroom, and stumbled his way onto the bed, not caring when his cut burned. His mind felt fuzzy and his thoughts thick. He shouldn’t have said that to Dean—he hadn’t thought he had—but apparently even thinking in his inhibited state wasn’t safe. And now Dean was jumping through hoops, trying to assure Cas he didn’t hate him and <em>lying</em> and why were his thoughts so <em>fuzzy?</em></p><p>“Cas!” Dean called, running out of the bathroom behind Cas. “Hey,” he dropped to his knees next to the bed and looked Cas in the eyes. “Talk to me.”</p><p>“Didn’ wanna make you uncomfortable,” Cas mumbled, pressing the side of his face into a pillow. “Was selfish... sayin’ I love you.” Tears crept into his whiskey-shiny eyes. “When I know... know you could never love me back.”</p><p>“Of course I love you, Cas.” Dean murmured, reaching forward and cupping one of Cas’ stubbled cheeks. Cas leaned into the contact and sighed softly. “I just thought <em>you</em> were the one who couldn’t love me back.” Dean stroked a finger over Cas’ cheekbone and Cas let out a little choked noise. He hadn’t been touched without necessity in so long.</p><p>Dean seemed to realize the same thing. “I’ve barely touched you in months,” he muttered. Concern flashed through his green eyes. He quickly stood and walked out of Cas’ field of vision.</p><p>“Dean?” Cas asked, a slight panic invading his voice.</p><p>“I’m not leaving, just hold on for a second.” A moment later Cas felt the mattress dip beside him, and then he could feel Dean’s arms around him, hauling him into the Dean’s lap, but being careful not to aggravate Cas’ cut. Cas let his head tip back against Dean’s chest. He shivered at the sudden warmth and contact and <em>Dean.</em> Suddenly the pit he hadn’t even known was in his stomach was gone and he could feel the tension melting out of him. He hadn’t realized how much he needed this.</p><p>“Better?” Dean asked.</p><p>Cas nodded slightly and pressed his cheek to Dean’s chest. It might have just been the alcohol, but Cas felt more content than he had in a long time. He couldn’t bring himself to pull away, even though he knew he should. He should have moved before he made Dean more uncomfortable than he probably already has.</p><p>
  <em>“Of course I love you, Cas.”</em>
</p><p>Then again... Dean had said that.</p><p>He didn’t seem uncomfortable. He seemed—<em>oh.</em> Dean’ hand was in Cas’ hair now, and Cas let out an embarrassingly needy noise.</p><p>“You meant what you said?” Cas asked after he had recovered.</p><p>“What part?” Dean asked, sounding more relaxed than Cas had heard him in a long time. Maybe he had needed this, too. “I mean, I obviously meant all of it, but it’d be nice to know what part you’re talking about.”</p><p>“You said you love me.”</p><p>Cas could feel Dean tense under him. “I—uh—yeah. You told me, figured it was my turn.” There was a moment of silence, the tense energy slightly offset by how calm Cas felt. “If you still feel that way. I thought—when you didn’t bring it up—that maybe you’d changed your mind—“</p><p>“Dean.” Cas cut him off, looking up into his eyes with a dead sober seriousness, despite his intoxicated state. “Nothing could change how I feel about you.”</p><p>“I... thanks.” <em>Thanks?</em> Dean screamed inwardly. <em>That’s the best you can do?</em> “Um. You too.” <em>What the fuck. use your words.</em> Dean cringed, wracking his tired brain for something decent to say. “Sorry, Cas. I’m shit with words. I <em>did</em> mean what I said, though.”<em> Oh yeah, that’s </em>much<em> better.</em></p><p>Cas just smiled up at Dean—kind of a gummy, boozy smile—but it wasn’t fake, and it wasn’t because he was about to be swept off to the empty. “I did, too.” He mumbled. He meant to say something else, but was cut off by a large yawn.</p><p>“‘Night, Cas,” Dean whispered, reaching over with his free arm to turn off their dim bedside light. He pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead, but the ex-angel was already half-asleep, and barely managed to look surprised before drifting off to sleep. “Love you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading, comments and kudos appreciated!</p><p>&lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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